I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
