look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
