I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can Purell be used as lube?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
