So drunk its hurt
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
