After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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