i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
