Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
tell me about the eggs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
