my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
