I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize