So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
