Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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