GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
