how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
