She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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