It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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