Hey man sorry I got all grabby
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did i walk over a car last night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
