Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
