woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
