ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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