No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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