Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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