i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
