But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
