I bet he comes in French.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
