Cold hands, warm shart.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
