i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
