will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
