Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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