I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize