He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
