im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you.
Bad choice
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
