Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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