he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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