Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
