So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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