Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
