Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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