Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
