Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
