1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize