dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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