the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
