peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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