Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
