I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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