My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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