Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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