oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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