i think my tv is drunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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