I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
