wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
