You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
