Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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