Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
