Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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