Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize