Porn is love you can see.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
