Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
