the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
