I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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