dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm both gender and math confused
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
