so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
