Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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