Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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