The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
