I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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