Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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