I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize