we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
