if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
