Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
