Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
