please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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