if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
