I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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