can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
