I cannot find my penis.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize